I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
