is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
They have beer where we have blood.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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