I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
