I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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