i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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