By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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