So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
