smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
how can u be prego again
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
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