We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
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