Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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