She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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