there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.