You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
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Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
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You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch