She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
25 Disturbing Facts That Will Make You Question Everything
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
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I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.