I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time