I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
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A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
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That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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