Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
