Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
