would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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