I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
