Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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