Taylor Swift is so right about you.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.