lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
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I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.