put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
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There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
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There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.