It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!