Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
