im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio