OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid