a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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