Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN