Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
There are leaves in my underwear?
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