There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
