If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
