Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
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We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
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Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
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