Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
