There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Randomize
