so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
