were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Randomize
