In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
