How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
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