There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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