he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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