i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
