she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
