nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
