if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Randomize
