Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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