i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Randomize
