went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
