whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
