you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize