Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
