she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Randomize
