Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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