____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
