I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
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