Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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