I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
