omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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