I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
