My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
