I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
We had sex on a dog bed..
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
