Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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