My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
