3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
she told me i tasted like america
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
