What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
