kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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