I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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