i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
