I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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