hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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