Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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