my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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