you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
