matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
