I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
