its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
