Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
