drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
