the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
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