Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
