By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
