i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
