Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
