I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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