NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Randomize
