these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
