My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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