Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Randomize
