At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
