Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
