Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
