i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
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