what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Holy sore nipples Batman
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
