If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
